[12/10/10]
Here I am sitting in a meeting trying my hardest to get the context from the fast-paced Dholuo. It's not until about 2 hour in that my mind starts to wonder towards the people sitting here with me. It slowly dawns on me that they are doing weird things. Well, relatively weird things. To each other they are acting within their cultural norms. In a society where being different is generally frowned upon I experience great joy in observing their “odd” behavior. Because what we think is odd is just typical, everyday life to someone else. Cheers!
My Cellphone Circa 1997 is the Best in the World. Congratulate Me.
Kenya has come a long way with digital communication. Currently there is a huge competition among the four major cell phone companies, causing them them to continuously lower their prices and make my life generally awesome. Right now I can text anyone on any network (in Kenya) for 1 Ksh [exchange rate is about 80 Ksh/1 USD]. And I have the option to call America for 2.5 Ksh/minute. I don't have power or running water, but I do have internet whenever I want it. At this point in time Kenyans have every right to be proud cell phone owners. But I still need to make fun of them....
Whether you're riding public transportation or sitting respectively in a meeting you are bound to hear a soundtrack, a sort of “Kenyan National Anthem” if you will, at any given moment. The rings are the same ones your heard in middle school hallways 15 years ago, comprised of anything from Mozart to the infamous Nokia tune. When the ring is heard a triumphant look of pleasure is read upon the face of the owner. “Yes, this is my phone.” it says “Let us all enjoy the fantastic work of 'Airy' by the Nokia company.”
As the tune raises higher up the scale you wonder at which point the owner will silence the annoying gadget. At this time it is proper for the owner to raise the phone high above the head (much like Simba was risen above his kingdom in “The Lion King”.) Perhaps this is to reach full signal, or to give the owner better sight of the name calling. Or maybe it's so everyone on the 15 passenger matatu (now containing 27) can catch the repeat of “Airy” one more time. Amazingly, Kenyans are kind enough to wait until the last second to answer their cell phone, ensuring that everyone has had a chance to enjoy.
This behavior has been noted to be especially appropriate during meetings. No matter how many times you're asked to silence your mobile, please pay no attention! What we really need to know about you is what type of phone you have and which pop hit you've downloaded, which tells us a lot about how you feel about the gangster war in the US between the east and west coats. But more importantly this will give us a chance to make a mental note of how cool you are.
Chief barazas are an exceptionally proper time for the Chief to show off one of his many phones. You should be so lucky to be having a conversation when one of his lines rings. The downside being that your conversation is over. The best way to take care of this seemingly rude situation (not in Kenya though!) is to back away slowly and save yourself the embarrassment that no one called you.
Unfortunately enough, cellphone companies have not caught onto the fact that not everyone has the money to carry on long conversations. Most Kenyans are troubled by this dilemma when they really have the urge to greet someone (see “The Ultimate Greeter”) but only have a few spare minutes of credit on their phone. As a result most phone conversations with Kenyans can be 10 seconds or less. I've had people call me just to see how I'm doing, only to end the conversation once I've replied. I've heard conversations that consist of one sentence: “You are home?”, or “You are coming?” with the call ending as soon as it began. As a result there are no “goodbyes” at the end of phone calls here. I try to say things like “OK” or “thank you” to terminate these calls, but most of the time I'm left with the terminal “beep beep beep” on the other line, signaling that someone just hung up on you. Hanging up without properly saying goodbye, answering a call during a meeting, and annoying everyone on the matatu with your stupid ring tone isn't meant to be rude at all. They are simply new behaviors that have been adapted into the culture with the change of technology.
But cell phones here are all annoyances. It can be a magical time, really. Imagine, if you will, the matatu scenario again. It's hot, you have people crammed in areas you wouldn't expect touched on a third date, and the driver won't leave the stage until the standing room at the sliding door has been filled. Suddenly the sweet release of Dr. Dre is heard muffled by the bodies. A fist is thrust into the air and the totally awesome owner is announced. You yell to the front “Don't answer it, I love this song!” And you sway to the rhythm with the momma sitting next to you as you travel to the dreamy, far-away land of gunshot wounds and pimps.
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