Ber Ahinya

[14/2/11]

I was recently showing a friend of mine pictures of my American family.  Her wide eyes took in every detail of my sister's wedding dress and our perfectly painted faces.  In posing for pictures in America, most women our age are only thinking of one thing: themselves.

"Is my hair frizzy?"

"Did I smear my mascara?"

You exclaim "tag me!" after the camera snaps so potential boyfriends can peruse photos of you and decide whether you're worthy of a second date.

Back to Kenya: "Oh you are so fat!", my friend exclaimed.  My jaw dropped.  "Really?" I panicked.  A conceited nature set over me and suddenly I didn't want anyone looking at my photos anymore.  All that effort to be what I imagined beautiful, one remark and my self-esteem shattered.  And then within seconds I smile at my outrageous reaction.  In a society where malnutrition is a standard, fat is very beautiful.  She was complementing me.

Speaking with a Kenyan who lives around Lake Victoria we were discussing why the HIV rate is absurdly high in the area.  Listing off the reasons one by one he catches me off-guard with fake hair.  Oh wail, you'll have to explain that one.  Women will sell themselves for a little money to go to the salon.  And then I realized that even I have noticed how nice women's hair can be and have inadvertently complemented my friends on spending the money to look that way.  

So what kind of behavior am I encouraging?  Especially for women who seem at most pressure to please the opposite sex and their peers.  If we have to overeat to the point where your health is at risk, expose yourself to disease with risky sexual behavior, endure female genital mutilation, and buy incredibly expensive material for fancy dresses, how beautiful are we?

Here it's hard to talk to a woman and notice the dirt on her face and the tattered clothes she wears.  You most certainly will see the child strapped to her back and the pot of steaming hot food she's bending over.  And when you talk to this woman she speaks of her passionate concern for her family and community and the problems she endures everyday, struggling through life.  These are women who are truly "ber ahinya" because for once it's not about themselves.